1 Month with Asa

The first month with a new baby always feels like the longest month ever. Until it's over, and then you wonder where the time went. We are starting to adjust to life with 6. 

All the kids love holding Asa, as long as he is happy. 

 

Tanner dropped Bethany off at the airport the same day that he picked Grandma up. We were so grateful for all of Grandma Crossley's help. She cooked meals, did so many fun things with the older kids so I could nap, and even chased Josie down a few times when she escaped. Tanner also convinced her to stay longer as well. Basically, if you are coming to our house plan on Tanner trying to get you to stay longer.

And Asa must have been really sad about Grandma leaving because the very next day he started to be fussy. He isn't our hardest, but he also isn't our easiest. Luckily this isn't our first rodeo so his fussy spells aren't too hard to handle...most of the time. That one night where he was inconsolable through most of the night was a little rough; I may have shed some tears as well. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em right? So I've sworn off chocolate and it may help...at least we haven't had another night like that so I'm not going to risk it for a while. 

Asa took his first bottle thanks to Chet and Mariah. They have been such good helpers with him. 

Don't mind my hair-do...Eliza really wanted to take a picture. 

Asa went to church for the first time at the end of the month. The boys were so excited for him to wear his very own "Sunday shirt" complete with tie. He was amazing and slept all through Sacrament meeting and took a bottle for Tanner second hour so I could teach a lesson. 

We have a friend who is a chiropractor and he worked on Asa after church. We are grateful for "Doc" and his willingness to help. 

Asa has quite the receding hairline which makes us giggle. 

He is getting his nights figured out and usually goes down around 11 and sleeps until about 3 and then falls right back to sleep after eating and usually will sleep for at least two more hours. I'm grateful that he is sleeping so well at night because he is pretty high maintenance during the day. 

Vivi has done so well with "baby brother". There are the occasional eye jabs or plugged noses, but for the most part she just talks to him and lets me know when he is crying. She had a hard time adjusting to Dad putting her to bed at night but is getting better about it. She went to sleep last night without any tears. 

The first few months with a newborn are so full of contradictions. You are so overwhelmed with love for this sweet new spirit and have no regrets, but you're also so overwhelmed with everything else that goes with a newborn: your own body healing, exhaustion, helping siblings adjust, crazy hormones...it's quite the wild ride. You would think I would take it all in stride with it being my sixth but while I know it won't last forever, that doesn't mean it isn't hard. I have moments where I'm so proud of my "mother's intuition" but that seems to always be followed up with moments of overwhelm and inadequacy. And I'm learning that it's ok. Imagine Dragon's song It's OK has gone through my mind quite frequently:

It's okay to be not okay

it's just fine to be out of your mind

Breathe in deep, just a day at a time

'Cause it's okay to be out of your mind

And then I follow it up with I Feel My Savior's Love to remind myself Who will make it all okay. 

Maybe I'm supposed to feel this way so I know that I can't do it on my own. I hate asking for help, and maybe that is what makes the first month so hard for me. But this vulnerability is what helps me rely on the help of others and most importantly, it is what helps me to turn to my Heavenly Father. I can't do it on my own and that's ok. 

This isn't a cry for help, I have had so much help this last month, and we're adjusting well. I just think it's important for me to acknowledge that it isn't always sunshine and rainbows. Maybe this will help someone else one day, maybe even my own children when they are bringing their own babies home. It is such a beautiful, spiritual, emotional, exhausting, humbling, and especially joyful time and I'm so grateful to be able to do it again. As President Nelson has said, "...the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with with the focus of our lives."